Maintaining balance in the midst of kids, work & busy life

What I’ve learned about keeping perspective as a mother of 3 young kids, running my own business, and keeping up with a hefty load of volunteer work.

Yes, life can get busy. But how do we maintain perspective and happiness in the midst of it all? I’ve found these strategies are extremely helpful in maintaining a positive attitude through what would otherwise feel  like an unreasonable amount of commitments and responsibility:

Don’t absorb yourself with a mindset that you are busy: Recently I read an article by one of my favorite authors, Christine Carter, about how often we run into friends and the conversation turns into a long list of how busy we are and how sorry we are that we didn’t return a phone call, catch up sooner, or don’t have time to do something we wish we could (read the full article here). I realized then that I would always feel too busy if that’s what I told everyone. Instead, I’ve learned to focus on what I am doing and enjoying, what I am grateful for, or other more constructive conversation when I run into people out and about. It is amazing how you can create your own “pity party’ by focusing on dialogue that is solely about what you aren’t able to do. I feel way less busy simply by not ever saying that I am.

Don’t harbor resentment: I have to accept that my choice to commit myself to multiple things is a choice I make regardless of whether others in my life or sphere of influence want to make the same choices.I don’t hold resentment towards people who could be helping me or find themselves with more free time. My husband, for example, who enjoys sitting on the couch relaxing in the evening while I am running between things. Or other volunteers who choose not to volunteer as much as I do.  I can’t expect others to make the same choices as I do, and I certainly didn’t make my choices with my time on the condition that they followed suit. Instead, I am grateful for the support I do get from friends and family.

Don’t blame the messenger: If you have too many emails coming in, or other distractions in your way, don’t blame the distraction. Consider it an opportunity to put a system in place that is more effective than your current one and that allows you to manage the distraction in balance with its appropriate priority. One of my favorite articles about this is this one from Zen Habits about managing your email.

Manage your priorities: It’s always important to consider how you are spending your time and whether what things you allot the most time towards are in balance with what you care about most. For me, an in-depth look at this has helped tremendously at different points in my life. I recommend the book Take Time for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson as a good place to start if you don’t feel like you have enough time to do what matters most to you. Making sure your time matches up with your priorities helps you keep perspective in all the other areas covered here.

Accept responsibility for how you spend your time:  I believe that we all can spend our time doing exactly what we want to do (see my other article here on this point). There have been times that I have felt extremely busy, to the point that I didn’t even have a few minutes left for energy to go clean a molding ice chest on my front porch. As difficult as it was to be so preoccupied, I also accepted that nobody but me created the time crunch I was in. Instead of getting upset, I focused on why I had made the commitments I had made, and why, even when time got tight that I indeed wanted to follow through with those commitments. I also considered future commitments of my time and how I needed to reduce them in the future. Unless you recognize that the time you have, or don’t have, is due to your own doing, you can not accept that you also have the ability to change. Empower yourself to construct your day by accepting that you have made and do make all the choices with your own time.

Fit in a few minutes each day for what fuels you: No matter what you do, make sure you have at least a short period of every day set aside for you and only you. Even 5 minutes can make a difference if you commit to doing something that is just for you. This took me a while to justify, because until recently I insisted to myself that I was too busy for this. Yet, I would find at least 5 minutes to check Facebook posts, and every once in a while I’d stay up late watching TV at night. Don’t make this an unreachable goal by trying to find an hour – just start with a few minutes a day. Recently, I realized that I really wanted a few minutes just to read the news, journal, or do yoga. Now, I’ve worked up to a nice 20-30 minute routine each morning that incorporates all of these. The result is I feel like I am really caring for myself, which gives me a lot more energy to care for others that I can carry through my day. Whether it’s enjoying great food, good music, reading, a good talk with a friend, exercise or anything else, don’t cut it out of your life. Indulging in the things you love fuels your creative energy. If you really can’t think of what your passions are, I recommend the book The Artists Way by Julia Cameron.

Find inspiration in others who have packed schedules: There are no doubt other people you know who have an unreasonable amount of commitments… and when you compare your commitments with theirs, it can be inspiring to know that they’ve managed through and so can you. Whenever I really want to stretch the analogy, I take inspiration from leaders in the world. For example, does the President ever look panicked or incapable of dealing with how busy he must be? Surely a president or world leader has much more pressing problems and competing priorities that myself, yet if they can keep their cool, so can I.

The most important thing I’ve learned in the last few years is that once you realize what you can accomplish without getting overwhelmed with feeling too busy, it frees you up to truly consider just what you want to accomplish.